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03 January 2009 @ 04:16 pm
The First and The Last (as seen on Facebook and MySpace)  
It's been a long time since I typed up an actualy post. In fact, I've really only used Facebook as an tool to dispersing and storing my recently created poems. Well, there was that last post where I posted sixteen random facts about myself and probably scared or confused a lot of people.

Do not worry! A knife is not a deadly weapon in my hands. However, a spoon, a banna, and a gallon of axel grease are. RUN! *snicker*

Back on topic...New Year's is my favorite holiday of them all. Thanksgiving is a close second but only because it is a holiday in which one gorges themselves stupid on delicious turkey flesh and then passes out. However, the thing that I truly enjoy most about New Year's is that you are alive when a new year arrives. A new year that is what you make it, a clean slate as it were. In the months leading up to it, families gather around to share one another's company and recount the past. All of the good, all of the bad, and all of the funny. For most of the month of Decemeber, I contemplate the path that I just carved through the present year; thus far through my life. I use the past as a tool for bettering myself. I learn from previous mistakes and try to approach challenges from a different angle. By the time that the last midnight of the year finally spins around...I'm ready to reforge myself anew, to throw off the weight of my history and face the oncoming year.

This year was no different. I have made many mistakes while trying new approaches, this past year, to the same issues. I have damaged some good friendships because of my decisions. I'm sorry for what I've done to us and I'd like to amend for my wicked ways, if you'll let me. You know who you are, so I won't bother bringing any more light to this matter by tagging you. To some of you, I did a grave injustice by crossing lines that shouldn't have been crossed. My offer of mending is mostly for you to accept or decline as you see fit. I'll understand if you believe it healthier to continue living life without my shadow burdening your door.

I've discovered my purpose in life, and in doing so, have come to learn why the words my Parrot uttered so long ago, are absolutely correct: "Fishy, it would be very difficult for anyone to be with you in a relationship." Ha! This past summer, these very words drove me mad. Any possibility of a relationship that sprung up was doomed to failure from the start. It was an unseemingly neverending cycle...or was it. The truth was, I had what I needed all along, minus sexual closeness and release. I ask you this: What is the difference between a friend and a lover? Sex! You don't have sex with your friends...unless you've worked out some sort of an agreement, but that is a tangent from the main topic. All this time that I've been searching for companionship and I didn't even realize that I had found that with my best friend and now former room mate...as gay as that may sound.

When he moved out, it felt like a break up; like I had somehow lost one of the most important parts of my life. When people talk of soul mates, they automatically ASSume a proper balance of everything like Ying and Yang, male and female. Those types should look for the secret message that I left you in the last sentence. We were Water Brothers well before we even knew the term existed. I love him as much as I do Jon or Ben or my own father, but it is platonic, or rather familial. Water is as thick as blood. Soul mates aren't necessarily a romantic pairing of a male and female counterparts who properly balance one another out. Soul mates don't necessarily get married, have kids, and live happily ever after.

I had many opportunities this pas